enrolled in rock and roll reality.

I’m going to pretend like I won’t be overwhelmed with guilt for being passive-aggressive (though I’m sure I will as it is a growing reality to me that I am sinking to a lower level by doing this). I’m also not sure if any of it makes sense due to my desperate attempts in clinging onto anonymity.

You know, loyalty means a lot to me. Honesty too.

To me, a real, true friend would defend you against their other friends, their boyfriend/girlfriend, family, etc. Such a thing wouldn’t create drama or conflict, honestly. It builds character, encourages self-confidence and is compliant with philosophy’s ideas of reciprocity. If someone you care about is talking shit about someone else you care about, a small task such as simply telling that person to not say disrespectful things within earshot of the ‘target’ would be nice. Yeah, the ‘target’. We’ll call the ‘victim’ the ‘target’.

Though it still bothers me endlessly to know that a friend could allow such gross discussion to take place at all. Even if you worry you might alienate the ‘insulter’, if you will, not standing up for the ‘target’ makes you look weak and leaves your relationship with the ‘target’ in question… Especially if the ‘target’ is aware of the situation.

[My friend Matt says this: Sometimes people just get what's coming to them.]

It’s really, really sad, hurtful, disrespectful, angering, and quite literally makes me physically ill when things like this happen. The lack of consideration leaves nothing but questions in regards to what friendship is or if it really holds any value to the other half of the relation. I find this behavior to be disgustingly immature, unnecessary and vile. I’d rather have a thousand redheaded goatees rubbing on my body at the same time (if any of you know how much I hate redheads and goatees, you’ll understand) than allow such a thing to happen — but I guess such disgust is relative? Or does it just come with experience? Age? What is it, you know?

If I have a friend who finds another one distasteful in any regard, I, at the very MINIMUM, will request that they not talk about the ‘target’ in my presence… Let alone in the ‘target’s.

Even more so, if the ‘insulter’ should know better and continues with disregard…? I’m sorry, but that person is obviously of questionable character anyway.

[My friend Kat says: Never forget who keeps your secrets.]

It’s obvious I’m regarding to someone *very* *very* *VERY* close to *ME* as the ‘target’ (or at least one of the many ‘targets’). Being pro-active is more respectable and all, but releasing pent up frustration is insanely therapeutic. This entry can be passive-aggressive, aggressive, passive… It doesn’t matter. The ‘target’ is refusing to be a victim.

Which is why the ‘target’ keeping is keeping his/her space and will keep it until things improve/stop/are solved. It isn’t that he/she doesn’t want to approach this situation, defuse it, but we’re in agreement think this is only fair and with some high hopes, we hope a lesson is learned with little pain and no loss.

I will now curl up into my warm blanket, watch television, knit and dream of a calmer future.