Archive for the ‘ artwork ’ Category

Paper cut on a minor artery thus I’m bleeding nuances.

As usual, I’ve neglected my blog. I am only really inspired to write in here at the moment because I had a friend I hadn’t spoken to in a few weeks (actually, maybe it was months) ask me what was new and I wasn’t really sure. I mean, I guess taking more classes at school has hindered my creative expression a bit as I am not drawing, writing or blogging as regularly as I used to (nor am I partying, promoting, DJing or hustlin’ as often). I really like everything going on right now as far as my life though… I think I do, at least.

MEeeee
My hair is getting long again! CELEBRATE.

I am taking 15 credits which includes 2 labs (Anatomy and Physiology and Biology), introduction to drawing, and Intermediate Algebra (a prep class since I am seriously terrible at Algebra). I feel good taking this much work on even though I get really lazy sometimes and don’t dedicate myself to homework as much as I have in the past. Part of the reason is because I’m trying to manage my ADHD with exercise and diet. It’s harder than you’d think, too… Reminding myself/motivating myself to go exercise every day is really not working out well but I don’t have the finances or desire to continue being medicated. The anxiety that my meds ended up giving me was just too much to handle. Any of the SSRI’s the doctor tried to put me on to counter it would either increase it or make me so tired and apathetic that there was no point and my doctor didn’t want to put me on anything like xanax, valium, etc (which I respect her opinions on benzos).

I thought drawing class would leave me inspired. I can already feel that it’s improved my skills in just a few classes, but I don’t feel inspired still. Whoops, oh well. A&P and Biology have almost identical chapters right now (1-4 in both classes are sooo similar) so studying is easy to condense and Intermediate Algebra.. I don’t even know what the fuck is up with that class. We work at our own pace, get lectured maybe once or twice a month tops, and still have to attend the class. It’s like an ass backwards distance learning class.

I’ve got one of my best friends attending the same campus as I do so we hang out between classes on Tues and Thurs which is aaaaawesome. Her name is Rachel and she’s AMAZING AS SHIT. I love her!

I’m also currently in a relationship with a guy named Matt. He’s great, just so y’all know. He lives right by campus too so I go there in between classes and he feeds me coffee and we watch Netflix and that is awesome. I bring Rachel with me sometimes and then we all sit in his room and watch ridiculous documentaries on really folks that are right out of Deliverance, Alabama folklore.

Um.

Other than that, I seriously have nothing to discuss. I’m sorry I’ve become so boring. I know I’ve got plenty of free time that I could blog, draw, write, knit, crochet or sew but I’m always so exhausted and my ADHD has it’s inattentive-type claws deep in my brain.

Here are some pictures I drew a few weeks ago while battling insomnia:
how I react to hot dudes
for my friend cash.

Such that is life… But I gotta get ready for the Envy Awards at TSI tonight.

SO BYE, BITCH, BYE.

and out the other side

I’ve survived!

I have so many damn things to do: Finish coloring the GBH flyer, draw the Punk Rock Prom flyer and finalize details on booking, recolor my werewolf picture, finish the picture of Sarah I’m drawing, finish biology homework, blah, blah, blah.

I have to stop doubting myself because I just end up hindering my ability to finish tasks and projects.

Blah, blah, blah.

my brown recluse bites.

i drew this, posted it on my facebook and i’ve got some commissions now suddenly. a-whoa-a-whoa-oww-oww-owwww! C.R.E.A.M., people.

i want a specific someone who i am harboring feelings for to do an art project with me. i don’t have any idea what kind of project or how or when or anything, but i want that to happen. i don’t know how to make it happen. i’m bad at this kind of thing.

remember crazed, young, peeling?

i do, in fact, have a distillers song stuck in my head that i used to crank when i was a youth.

i hate that the time i best formulate blogs and such is when i am using the bathroom. usually, by the time i am put together enough to finally sit and write (i am much like a man in that i enjoy relaxing and enjoying my stay in there), most of the key elements are skewed and not quite as interesting or pertinent to the original idea i had. either way, i have philosophical monologues with myself as i relieve myself. i can’t be the only one and this might not even be that bizarre.

however, i think a female speaking about it seems a abnormal and, to some even, repugnant. anyone who knows about human biology should know by now that girls do poop. we also fart. i burp a lot as well.

anyway, back on the subject matter that i am skillfully trying to recollect as i speak of these unmentionables.

i decided to put myself out there and offer to make some art for a lung cancer non-profit cocktail dinner in november. i don’t know why i did it. i think because if i give myself an unavoidable deadline, that i will find inspiration even if it kills me, which isn’t something i look forward to happening. i think i have some ideas of what i will do, and i think it will mostly mean me bringing back my vectoring abilities to the forefront. i haven’t done anything in a few months aside from a sketch that i’d been doodling around with for a few days for someone’s mix cd.

i always say i want to get better at art. my issue isn’t my attention span anymore, but rather that it seems like there is always something more important to do. with the next week free, i hope to actually get some sketches, at minimum, done. when i have free time between all the homework i’ve gotten, i’ve either been doing laundry, catching up with cleaning or going out with friends. i’m sure a lot of time i have is wasted just surfing the internet. maybe even blogging as i am currently doing (i’m at my office though and do have a valid excuse).

i am going to have to postpone buying my books for this semester for a few weeks. i really didn’t want to have to put but i can’t afford to front the money to buy them. hopefully my professors don’t try to beat me up over this. i don’t want black eyes. especially not from professors. i hear they get feisty. i’m enrolled in cultural anthropology, intro to bio (lab) and writing about non-fic. everybody told me oh cassandra! don’t take writing about non-fic! you’ll hate it! blah blah blah! but truth be told, i prefer non-fiction and writing about factual things rather than fiction. instinctively, it was a better choice. sorry bros and bro-ettes.

now to be upset about the ketosis that is seeping up my esophagus. before you begin crying to the authorities or my friends/family, i am not suffering an e.d. i get ketosis mere hours after not eating. i’ve been trying to eat unhealthily lately, to be honest. i am starting to lose more weight from eating right so i am attempting to slow down the process as i am nearing my goal at an alarming rate and haven’t really got any idea how to maintain it other than eating more junk food. i intend on starting to exercise to tone myself up. junk food is my only option! PLUS IT IS SO GOOD SOMETIMES.

shutup.

yes, i guess.

i wish i had 24/7 access to a GOOD vehicle.

i’d be driving up to birmingham right now to see old friends. i’d be hanging out with people who were pivotal in developing who i am and learning those life lessons and shit.

but really, i’d just love to see josh and cavan and everybody and give them hugs even if it was for one night. i just wish joshua darlin’ had given me more of a notice than 2 hours ago. i’m still exhausting all my options. so far, it looks like hitching a ride with friends tomorrow morning is my best option.

either way… i really miss birmingham. i miss how many people were there at shows that would be full of joy to see me. i think it was partially our age that fueled our desire for interaction with each other. i think that is was also partly our inability to separate affections for my former internet celebrity and who i really was. at times, when i feel insecure and lonely (though i am neither of those things for more than a spark of a synapse or a bad night) i want that unsubstantial ego stroking from internet minions. i know most of it, if not all of it, was false. i know that it was being fed to me for reasons that i can’t wrap my head around. it was still nice to hear, despite it being fluff or false.

luckily, the moments i desire such bullshit are fleeting and i am always reconciled when i realize how many friends i have who stick around me and have real substance to them. they’re plentiful.

especially the ones in birmingham. so who wants to drive me up?