Archive for the ‘ inspiration ’ Category

The way we sleep all summer

Those are my two favorite images from the photoshoot I did on Sunday evening. It was an interesting event, I do say… As I walked into the building (which had been remodeled since I was there last) to see a petite goth girl sitting naked in a chair. I closed the door and waited for Kat to stop investigating the empty school bus that was in the parking lot. Also, I was surprised by the boobies I had just seen. Kat came over, I warned her and we walked in. I apologized for not knocking or anything and she apologized for her nudity.

Since the remodel, the main door goes RIGHT into the dressing room which is a huge fucking awkward situation waiting to happen, er… Well, it happened for me at least. At least there is an accessible bathroom and shower now.

I painted up my shirt(s). One said HELL YES with an upside cross beneath it and another said Fuck You! with a bullet hole that one of my best friends in the universe, Kat, painted. The Kill Yourself one won out though.

I then experienced what airbrushed make-up feels like, which I’d NEVER had before. It made my skin look incredible but wasn’t very comfortable. I can’t imagine how celebrities feel having to wear that shit for hours and under hot lights. It is dry and even though it didn’t crack or peel, it felt like it should have been. I guess most people have had that done to them but I never have. All things considered, I am not an experienced model by any stretch.

I have decided on something to get this blog a-bustin’ though. I’m going to take on a 365 days project. That’s right! I’m going to blog something every day for a year starting Monday, September 20th (that’s my 25th birthday!). I’m going to post a picture of something I’ve done that day and post it with an entry that is at least 50 words long. I was going to start today but I’m not because this weekend is when I’m celebrating my birthday! That means I’ll be busy with partying since I’m about to cross the bridge from adolescence to adulthood. I think that means my partying will take a decline or at least should.

School starts on the 27th for me so I’ll be sure to post pictures of the ridiculous shit that I do on campus (such as stare at the brick walls that hold me in like a monarchist government).

I’m going to finish doing the deep cleaning I started on my room and read this book that a really amazing guy I’m seeing let me borrow. It’s called The Poisoner’s Handbook and it is about the beginnings of forensic toxicology during the Blues era. I’m not very far into it, but it is BRILLIANT so far. This guy seems to know what I like really well. He’s a chemistry major. I guess I have major chemistry with chemistry majors… Sorry, couldn’t resist that joke.

Here are the other shots from the set, and, yanno, click for bigger versions or whatever:

Check out my photographer at and thank you to Jeana Leand for my make-up.

I’ve got good taste.

My blogging routine has fallen into obvious disrepair.

Has my life become less interesting than it was before? No, not really. I’m not sure it ever qualified as ‘interesting’ or ‘captivating’. My blog, thus, hasn’t had much reason to exist outside of me running circles around myself verbally to deconstruct myself and thus figure myself out. Does that make any sense to you, my handful of readers? I still write somewhat regularly in my livejournal which remains private and probably the most open and honest I can possibly be.

I still catch myself lying to myself to try to maintain a positive outlook. Life is good, and I shouldn’t have to worry about feeling that PMA all the time. Yet, sometimes I tell myself something so many times when it isn’t true that it becomes true. Is that even fucking normal?

Basically, what I’m trying to figure out is what kind to put in this blog. What can I start doing with it to make it substantial that I do often enough and such that it’s worth it other than write out reviews on my introspection? I guess I can start using it to keep track of whatever sketches, drawings and *gasp* writings I do. Though, my writings stay even more private than my livejournal’s entries. Right now, I’m not in a confident enough place to share my writing. Maybe someday.

With my attention span, this wordpress might end up looking more like an oft neglected tumblr.

Refused – Strength

I’m pullin’ up my socks, boy. I’m calling in the favors. I’m putting in the hours. I’m pulling myself together. There’s a limp to your walk. You speak wisdom when you talk. And you’ll ride me up to heaven when I pull myself together.
And all my favourite authors who wrote all my favourite books which had all my favourite words… They do nothing for me now.

I should be lying on my back with a glow in my heart…

And you will ride me up to heaven if I pull myself together.

remember crazed, young, peeling?

i do, in fact, have a distillers song stuck in my head that i used to crank when i was a youth.

i hate that the time i best formulate blogs and such is when i am using the bathroom. usually, by the time i am put together enough to finally sit and write (i am much like a man in that i enjoy relaxing and enjoying my stay in there), most of the key elements are skewed and not quite as interesting or pertinent to the original idea i had. either way, i have philosophical monologues with myself as i relieve myself. i can’t be the only one and this might not even be that bizarre.

however, i think a female speaking about it seems a abnormal and, to some even, repugnant. anyone who knows about human biology should know by now that girls do poop. we also fart. i burp a lot as well.

anyway, back on the subject matter that i am skillfully trying to recollect as i speak of these unmentionables.

i decided to put myself out there and offer to make some art for a lung cancer non-profit cocktail dinner in november. i don’t know why i did it. i think because if i give myself an unavoidable deadline, that i will find inspiration even if it kills me, which isn’t something i look forward to happening. i think i have some ideas of what i will do, and i think it will mostly mean me bringing back my vectoring abilities to the forefront. i haven’t done anything in a few months aside from a sketch that i’d been doodling around with for a few days for someone’s mix cd.

i always say i want to get better at art. my issue isn’t my attention span anymore, but rather that it seems like there is always something more important to do. with the next week free, i hope to actually get some sketches, at minimum, done. when i have free time between all the homework i’ve gotten, i’ve either been doing laundry, catching up with cleaning or going out with friends. i’m sure a lot of time i have is wasted just surfing the internet. maybe even blogging as i am currently doing (i’m at my office though and do have a valid excuse).

i am going to have to postpone buying my books for this semester for a few weeks. i really didn’t want to have to put but i can’t afford to front the money to buy them. hopefully my professors don’t try to beat me up over this. i don’t want black eyes. especially not from professors. i hear they get feisty. i’m enrolled in cultural anthropology, intro to bio (lab) and writing about non-fic. everybody told me oh cassandra! don’t take writing about non-fic! you’ll hate it! blah blah blah! but truth be told, i prefer non-fiction and writing about factual things rather than fiction. instinctively, it was a better choice. sorry bros and bro-ettes.

now to be upset about the ketosis that is seeping up my esophagus. before you begin crying to the authorities or my friends/family, i am not suffering an e.d. i get ketosis mere hours after not eating. i’ve been trying to eat unhealthily lately, to be honest. i am starting to lose more weight from eating right so i am attempting to slow down the process as i am nearing my goal at an alarming rate and haven’t really got any idea how to maintain it other than eating more junk food. i intend on starting to exercise to tone myself up. junk food is my only option! PLUS IT IS SO GOOD SOMETIMES.


i wanna be your dog.

singing iggy and the stooges, gary newman, the buzzcocks and eddie murphey songs all night? good.

when someone who has an incredible singing voice is singing over them? even better.