i used to complain of not having a life. i look at what i have no and it hardly seems pedestrian on paper, but it does not feel sufficient. however, how would i know when it is at a satisfying, manageable place? my curiosity piqued at this idea today when i was thinking of all the things i day dream about doing. i feel i could take on more without overcompensating for years of laziness and meager social expansion, but would i end up overwhelmed by it all? am i susceptible to overestimating myself?
i thought that by re-entering the world of higher education, that i would feel fulfilled. this does not seem to be true. though i am awash with homework and all the glories of student-hood at a full-time work load, paired with work at gamestop (spare shifts with some consistency) and a few days/mornings here and there from the real estate office, and at least one or two adventurous nights out with my best friend and the closest, most incredible people i’ve met thus far; albeit it seems that i have a mostly full schedule, there is still something missing.
what it is, i’m not totally sure.
however irritating this quarter-life crisis may be (i do find myself more sensitive than i have previously been, yet i am less apt to being taken advantage of or taken for granted — “no” is a more prominent response in my vocabulary finally), as my beautifully inked and permanent reminder states: this too shall pass. while many have joked at it being a reference to the indie band ok, go! it is not. this too shall pass was originally coined by persian sufi poets who were speaking of the impermanence of everything in life: good or bad.
Q: What is a quarterlife crisis?
A: The quarterlife crisis, or QLC, is essentially a period of anxiety, uncertainty and inner turmoil that often accompanies the transition to adulthood
(as per the website http://www.quarterlifecrisis.com/ and the fact that website even exists makes me feel a little less lonely in my current situation even if the ‘questions’ they have to ‘define’ QLC don’t technically fit me.)
on the brighter side of my indecision (there is always a bright side somewhere if you look hard enough), i find a deep, unspeakable pride in the fact i do not look for validation through relationships, friendships, drugs, alcohol or other questionable vices anymore. even if i am not to my point of satisfaction yet, i am making progress into getting there.
there are some things that i know i want and there are some things i know i have, there are some things i want to achieve and many i already have successfully conquered.
i know, for example, that i am not a sociopath or a narcissist. and hey, those are good traits to skip if i ever heard of any.